How to Find a True Friend: Exploring Different Types of Friendship
Currently, we call many people friends. But is that really the case? The reality is that most people we consider friends do not think the same about us. I believe you’ve noticed how the value of this word has diminished and been forgotten in the modern world. In this article, I want to restore the value of the word “friendship” in your eyes.
To answer the question of who a friend is and how to find a true friend, let’s explore the different types of friendships that exist.
Types of friendship
When it comes to the relationships between two people, one immediately recalls Aristotle’s ethics, which distinguished three types of friendship:
- Friendship based on mutual benefit.
- Friendship pursuing pleasure.
- True friendship based on the qualities of the other person.
Friendship based on mutual benefit
This type of friendship is based on temporary advantage. It is not directed towards the person themselves but rather what they can provide. These individuals are easily replaceable; if someone more capable or offering greater benefits appears, they can be replaced.
While these people may spend time together and communicate well, there is no respect for the inner world of the person. So, don’t rejoice too much if someone who finds you useful communicates well with you. And don’t open up to such people early on. When the benefit fades for these individuals, they may use your openness against you.
This type of friendship is necessary in society, typically in a work setting. Use the rules of such friendship to maximize benefits from situations and people:
- Maintain distance. Don’t reveal personal information to someone.
- Sustain conversation. This is necessary to build a useful connection for the future.
- Help when asked. If someone seeks advice or assistance, help them, but don’t make it a regular occurrence, or it becomes exploitation. Don’t be afraid to ask for help in return.
- Be resilient. Don’t allow yourself to be taken advantage of, or you’ll end up disappointed in people.
Friendship pursuing pleasure
The essence of this friendship is that common interests and hobbies unite you. You spend time together because you share common ground. It may be fun and enjoyable, and it might seem like genuine friendship. However, this is a mistake for most people. In this type of friendship, a person derives pleasure from how they spend time, not from the other person. The main factor is the desire for pleasure, such as avoiding boredom.
This friendship disappears when there is no longer a factor or potential for pleasure. Friendship built on emotions doesn’t last long. This type of friendship is not directed towards the person; the person serves as a tool to elevate one’s mood.
Of course, you can perceive another person as a friend. However, you must assess them, understand their true intentions and feelings towards you.
Checking a person for true friendship is easy. Just observe them. Follow this algorithm:
- When you spend time together, notice how attentive they are. If they are inattentive or visibly eager to interrupt you, they don’t value your opinions and thoughts. This is especially true if it happens repeatedly.
- Are they interested in your opinion? A true friend is someone who values your point of view. They care about your feelings and reactions to what they say. Even if they are sharing something very personal, they will seek your advice on the topic of conversation.
- When you speak, does your companion ask clarifying questions? If you are valuable to a friend, they want to understand what you are saying. They will want to delve into what you’re sharing.
- A good friend shows initiative. They won’t wait for you to suggest something. They will take an interest in you first.
- A true friend is revealed in adversity. They care about what is happening in your life. They possess enough empathy to understand when you need help and support.
True friendship
After reading the previous two points, you should already have an idea of true friendship. Unlike other types of friendships, the person is what matters here. The qualities of the other person are crucial.
To consider someone a friend, you should be interested in:
- Whether they are a conscious individual.
- What goals they are pursuing.
- Whether they have moral values and principles.
- The qualities of the person.
Why do many believe that true friends are those with common interests? This mistaken belief arises because people prioritize their own pleasure over the desire to share it with others. This is a characteristic of people who lack an internal core. To develop true friendships, you must go through a lot, strengthen your character, and have principles to see internal qualities in others. Friends can only be those who see something more in each other than just the ability to have fun or gain benefits. For example, to have friends, you must learn to be a friend, to understand what it means. Otherwise, you won’t be able to recognize a person who is using you.
The secret of friendship lies in the desire to share joy and pleasure with a friend. It’s important that the person next to you experiences a positive state similar to yours.
How to make friends
To understand who your friend is, it’s essential to become a conscious individual yourself. It’s not so much about the benefits you bring to others or how enjoyable you are to be around. What matters is the wholeness of your self-representation.
The goal of friendship is not just fun or utility. Friendship is linked to personal growth, where both individuals push each other towards development. You share a common moral stance on life. If, by being with such a person, you grow and improve, then congratulations, you have discovered what true friendship is.
We choose our friends. It’s crucial to approach this thoughtfully. In our lives, we encounter various people, and among them, choices must be made. Ask yourself, “How does the person next to me influence me?” You need to understand their essence, inner reality, and deep motivations. Don’t rely on the convenience of the person or the comfort in communication. In such situations, thinking becomes especially important.
Friendship is a conscious connection between two individuals based on inspiration from shared truths and aspirations. Two friends should be united by a spiritual goal that may be unattainable. The foundation of everything is internal unity based on ethics and morality, the aspiration to become better. In this way, such friendship can endure any adversity and difficulties.
Where to find friends
People make the mistake of thinking there are specific places to make friends. There’s no need to make deliberate attempts to connect with everyone, as you might waste your valuable time and resources.
You don’t have to go anywhere specific. Look around at the people near you. Based on the article, analyze who suits you. Take the initiative and start a conversation. It’s worth noting that new people constantly enter your life. Therefore, have the courage to initiate communication and pay attention to details: words and actions.
It might happen that there are no potential friends in your immediate circle. This could indicate that you’re not in the right place. You live among people who don’t suit you. In that case, you need to change your lifestyle and habits to attract entirely new people into your life.
